6-21-2010

That's the day that my life is going to change forever.

I met with a surgeon this past Tuesday, and he's going to perform my surgery for me! I went into the appointment completely skeptical, and assuming he was going to be like the last surgeon that I met with, and my GI, and tell me that I shouldn't want to have this surgery done, and that he wasn't going to do it for me, but that wasn't what happened at all!

We went through an abbreviated history of my disease, and all the medications I've tried and such, and how I've been feeling lately and everything that I've been going through. He listened very carefully, making notes as I told my story, and when I finished, he basically said that what I'm going through is terrible. It was such a relief to hear that, as strange as that sounds. I think too many doctors become desensitized to their patients problems. I honestly expected a response like those I get from my GI so often; "Well my patient so-and-so has it worse because they had to deal with such problem and such and such problem...You should be glad you don't have to deal with that..." etc. But that's now how this surgeon was at all. He was so incredibly sympathetic. He said that he can tell my quality of life isn't high, and that he knows that I'm living okay now, because I don't have any other choice, but that he could tell from what I told him that my life is rough, and no one should have to live the way that I do every day.

Him saying that, and agreeing that I can't keep living the way I am right now, was the biggest relief of my life. I honestly almost cried.

I assume most people that read this blog as of right now are fellow UC sufferers, which is great. But to any of you out there that do not have UC or crohn's or anything like it, it really is indescribably terrible, and almost impossible to describe to someone who doesn't have to go through it. I'm thinking about posting this blog onto my facebook once the time of my surgery approaches. That way, those close to me, or those wondering why I'm not around school, and permanently attached to Liesl's side anymore can read up and see how I'm doing. I guess I'm just apprehensive since my disease and this surgery process are going to be very...personal? I don't know if that is the word that I'm looking for. My disease is just gross, okay? I realize this. It's been around for four years, how could I not realize it?? But it's important for me to share my story with others. I know for me, the blogs of others with my condition have been so helpful in trying to deal with my condition. Beyond that, I know some people that know me are curious about my condition..if I share my blog, maybe they can understand it more? :sigh: I don't know. I'm going to do it either way.

So...if you're reading this, and you don't want to feel awkward, or have the possibility of being grossed out, read no further. This disease is gross, it's terrible, and it's been doing it's best to ruin my life for the past four years. I'm putting a stop to that right now. This is my story about it. If you're interested, that's fantastic, if not, go away.