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So I'm a bit late on the update, but better late than never I suppose. I had the appointment with my doctor two weeks after my flex sig. He said there were two medicine options for me. #1 was Azathioprine (Imuran) and the other was Remicade. The side effects of Azathioprine range from infections, bone marrow problems, etc etc. (I don't have the paper that listed them on me right now) and cancer. He recommended I try that one first. He also talked to me about Remicade which is an infusion via an IV that I would have to go to the hospital and get every 8 weeks. He said that would be a last resort. He compared it to shooting a mouse with a cannonball. I told him that the Azathioprine sounded really familiar, like I had taken it before. He checked what records he had and said that he didn't have it listed, and that maybe I had just came across information on it online. I told him that I didn't think so, but he gave me a script for it anyway. I then asked him what he thought about me getting a colectomy. He seemed completely surprised that I had seriously been considering getting my colon removed. "You've discussed this with your mom?" He asked. "Yes. She agrees with me." He then went on to tell me about how it can decrease my fertility 10-30% etc. etc. and that he really didn't recommend someone as young as me get the surgery. I told him about my insurance concerns (that after I graduate there is no way I will ever be able to pay for a $100,000 surgery) and he told me that I could take out a loan. Yeah doctor, I'll get right on taking out a loan for that...when I'm already going to be paying off my school loans for the rest of my life. PASS. You're a fucking doctor. You're getting paid $100 just to talk to me for half an hour right now. You have no concept of what it is like to worry about money. And as for my fertility, how about you let me worry about that? Besides, I can't start/take care of a family if I'm sick, miserable, and angry all the time. Not to mention the fact that if I have my colon removed I no longer have UC which means you lose a patient. He told me that if I was really interested that he would give me names of surgeons, but that he really recommended that I try this medicine and try to get it under control with that. And I quote

"At least we know that the steroids work. That way if this medicine stops working we can just put you back on steroids and try something different!"

Yeah doctor that sounds fucking perfect. You start off telling me that you won't need to put me on steroids ever, no matter what. And suddenly they've become your cure-all solution! Fucking sweet! Not to mention the fact that (i don't know if you heard...) STEROIDS ARE BAD FOR YOU!

I would also like to know how many patients you've had that were diagnosed when they were 17, have only had UC for 3 years, and have already eliminated all but two medication options. Scratch that, all but one. After leaving his office, I called my mom and she called Target pharmacy who told us that I was prescribed Azathioprine when I was first diagnosed. Things from that time in my life/disease are a bit hazy, but I seem to remember being prescribed it and it didn't work so they put me on another medication. I immediately called my doctor (from the parking lot) and told him this. His response was "Maybe you just weren't on it long enough. We'll try again and if it doesn't work, we'll move to something else." Like I'm just his fucking guinea pig! NO! Then I asked him if I could try Asacol once more. I was taking it, and it was keeping my disease under control, until my last CRAZY doctor starting weaning me off it if claiming that I could be med-free. This doctor (fantastically enough) has dropped off the face of the planet so therefore I don't have a way to get my old medical records. Which means I don't exactly know why I was taken off of the Azathioprine. *sigh* I know I'm sort of rambling. I hope this is making some sort of sense. At any rate, he said he would mail me a script for Asacol and we would try it once more. I left his office in panic basically.

Steroids = I can't sleep, I'm constantly hungry, I'm a bitch, and I have panic/freak out attacks all the time.

I got the script with instructions from the doctor to wean myself off steroids after I started taking the Asacol.

Oh, wanna hear the best part? Read this about Remicade. That article was posted the DAY of my appointment. Coincidence? I think not.

There is so much more I want to say...but it's just making me anxious and nervous and *sigh*. I just need to calm down. I'll update more soon hopefully.

I feel okay sometimes. But when I have a bowel movement I feel terrible. And for some time afterwards as well. It's so depressing. I've been snapping at my loved ones, crying, and basically just freaking out constantly.

I just want to get well.